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The Belfie Beatitudes

March 13, 2015

Self Indulgence is the idiot offspring of Introspection.

Artists have always done self-portraits: taking what you know intimately and testing your hand-eye-heart-brain connection skills to manifest essence in accessible media.

But that simple test of skill and understanding has spawned its own idiot cousin: the Selfie: which tests how much your “friends” “like” you on social media.

Thousands can be snapped, reviewed, and rejected until the snapper’s narcissism is fully fed and ready for celebration to validate the self-love. Aesthetic Onanism without apology. Free Love in the Me Meme.

But yesterday The Hollywood Reporter noted that a new obsession is now hemorrhaging out of the Kardashian Black Hole. As with all things cultural, new values have created new technology in response to new sociological imperatives.

Faces are so “been there”. Breasts have jumped the shark as well it seems. For now its bottoms that beg for Pixel Time. The Butt Selfie is now “trending” on Instagram: the highest honor this side of a Reality TV show. [editor’s note: which is the better Oxymoron: “Jumbo Shrimp” or “Reality TV”?] It is so happenin’ that it has coined its own name: “Belfie”. [Editor’s Note 2: do I have to prove the etymology?]

As you might expect plastic surgery goes wherever personal validation is needed without thought or effort, and “Butt Jobs” are on the rise (along with layers of “stuff” over millions of Gluteus Maximii).

But unless you are a contortionist, the ability to show your butt to more than those within eyesight of your backside needs a technological fix. The “Belfie” needs some helpie. VOILA: the “Belfie Pole” is born! And selling…screw your phone to it, reach around and your Buttock Beauty is Web Friendly!

Its too easy to mock the vanity in any of us: we all have our own “Belfie Poles” of rationalizing our weaknesses with stupid compensations. I wear knee socks for no good reason, except I want to. And I am mocked for it.

But butt gazing is nothing new, just its cyberizing: in days of yore introspection was called “Navel Gazing” and the line between “Selfie” and self awareness is pretty fine.

Am I indulging myself in writing this? Yes. I just hope, in the non-anatomical end my self can be better for it.

It is Lent, after all.

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