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Dis World (& the next)

March 2, 2017


There seems to be more large order reality in the time mammals sleep.

Our eyes focus in the dim to discern whatever bit of light and movement seems different. We sense temperature more acutely – put on a blanket, throw off one – when in daytime we wear the same clothing during a 30F swing from dawn till dusk. We hear so much more. Wind. Animals. Breathing. So much more than when the lights, TV, microwave, children are on.

We hear more because there is less to hear. There is less of us and our constructions to Dis us. Distract. Distance. Dissociate. When it is the workaday time, we put a wall of Dis between us – and us.

I hear a raging wind flow outside the barn I built, and realize the black screen in front of me could bring Dis World Alive. Dis World is important – it’s the venue for money, food, art, essentially of everything outside us.

But somehow we cannot escape the sense that, just like the Matrix, Dis World is not the only venue for what, who, why we are.

As you age (and we all do) the death/coma sleep of the pre-30’s is replaced with REM cycles perforated by waking up, peeing, IPhone monitoring, then the next REM cycle until, typically the sun says “Let’s get Dis-ing!” But in the darkly defined, no Dis World times, we hear, see, feel the place where nothing Dis-es us. It’s us and the dark, quiet, static place where we sense something much, much larger than Dis World.

The gift of insomnia.

When unplugged from the Matrix of Dis, I passively absorb the quiet noise more than be comforted, emboldened, inspired or even made curious by it. My guess is there is a message or a million in this raging quietude. I feel it’s the presence of my absence in its workings.

I did not earn hearing, learn seeing, buy feeling: these were gifts, fully formed in a technology we have zero understanding of – and because they are gifts, the completely irrational generosity of being given them and this brain thing that collects and evaluates what the gifts give me makes me crushingly in debt.

In these night places it’s impossible to Dis away that debt. I may never know how Great a Debtor I am, but insomnia is helping me to sense the tab.

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