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Chew Your Food

March 6, 2017


As all hardcore athletes know one of the joys of crushing it in the gym or on the field/rink/court is that you can eat as much as you like with no BMI consequences.

Now it’s been over 40 years since I crushed it, but if I work out more – (in my old-guy cardio-first/strength-last way) – than an hour a day 5 or 6 days a week I can eat more and not gain weight.

And because in any given moment my brain is 3/5 Lizard, when I work out for 90 minutes a day, 7 days a week, and consciously not eat until dinner, as I am these 40 days, I am overwhelmed by a sense of Reptile Entitlement to gorge myself (with no weight gain sidebar).

Now I do this silent cranking on my Exercycle/no daytime food thing to get the remaining 2/5 of my brain clearer on non-reptile issues: and it helps. But as with all good things there is a possibility for a groatty lining.

Last night, my spouse cooked a truly great meal: enhanced by denial-derived hunger (and frustration over not getting the second article finished at work). So I tore into, before sitting down to eat, a large chunk of ribeye.

And like a good Lizard I chewed a couple of times, swallowed, and, well the large chunk of ribeye liked my throat enough to stay there: no choking, but no breathing either: I did flash on the fact that we were listening to Enya, so my death would have had the appropriate Boomer soundtrack.

Rather than panic I poured a glass of water, swallowed that, and the large chunk popped-out in the water boarding response to simulated drowning. I picked up the launched meat and lunched it (well, dinnered it) to Enya – but chewing the ribeye first this time.

Unless I wrote this that would be lost, unless I pushed this hard every morning the Lizard would be at bay at mealtime.

Any parent has said to every child “CHEW YOUR FOOD!” as gross gobbling makes for disgusted fellow diners (and a messy child.) My inner parent is chastening my inner lizard child with those same words.

But eschewing chewing is done all the time: it’s called the Internet, or success, or getting love: we never chew what’s served: we open our gaping maws, suck it all in and swallow like the Reptile brain instantly requires.

But we can choke on it.

In fact we will choke on it, I will choke on it, unless I think before I swallow. I guess dying to Enya is better than dying silenced by Ribeye, but why swallow whole what we can chew first, enjoy more, appreciate in the act of happy gluttony, and then bask in the afterglow of satiety? (Versus being water boarded.)

Because every act without thought may be thrilling on some level, but anything we do in response to our Inner Lizard has only the fulfillment of instinct as its reward.

And for me, that is not enough.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Joseph Dzeda permalink
    March 6, 2017 8:11 am

    Good morning, fellow Lizard!

    Have a good day,



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