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April 4, 2017

34 of 40

I have nightmares most every night.

In the rebalancing of the last two weeks, no night terror has been that terrorizing. Prior to The Worst Nightmare Ever (where my captaincy was unable to prevent a huge sea wreck of our house into ruin, and I shot up, screaming) most sleeping freak outs involved a complete loss of control.

This just mimicked my childhood, but gave that insanity the tools of adulthood in the unlimited realm of nightmare.

In these two weeks I sleep longer without waking than in years. Upwards of seven hours. I am sure there is need, as the repairs take energy I do not even know I am expending, but I also think whatever cracks in us is not incidental, not of and by the moment.

I think we are endlessly coping, adjusting, mitigating and working. I think many of us desperately avoid this reality with binge watching, news engorgement, cause immersion, belief focus – but where we want to go never ends up being gotten in a straight line.

Nightmares are hyperbolic, but they crystallize the danger of only knowing the fears of truth – ignoring the nourishments of hope and faith. Today’s deluge is weirdly from the due east – but awake, this is incidental – in dream it can be catastrophic.

You cannot avoid dreaming – it is the consequent of rest.

But perhaps in this reweave of Lent, I have fewer terrors in the dreaming. It’s foolhardy to create conclusions from tiny, personal, subjective experience, but it’s a start.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Joseph Dzeda permalink
    April 4, 2017 8:08 am

    Dude, this dude knows that we repose in the loving arms of a God who will never turn his back on us, his kids. Despite our best efforts to drown out his words of comfort and hope, he keeps the faith with us and for us. I’m quite convinced that YOU are one of his most beloved kids. He sees you working and advocating for him, and he will never ever leave you.

    Fuck the nightmares!!!

    From the City of Siblingly Live,




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