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April 8, 2017

38 of 40

Happy – subjective & universal.

We all experience it, yet its cause and effect are exquisitely personal.

No one is without some happiness, some way: but others seem awash in it as a baseline.

Lately, for more, or more openly, expressed anger is a source of happiness. Rejection, vilification, being wronged and punishing the wrong gives great happiness to every side of the political spectrum.

Happiness is not pleasure, nor joy, not even purpose: it’s the feeling of satisfaction that you are where it’s right to be, that there are incontestable rewards of well-being and rightness in this moment. Clearly pain and disappointment are not happiness for most.

But happiness is increasingly more often created in us not by ourselves doing, but by us looking, seeing and finding fit and righteousness. A person succeeds or fails, a view is validated or proven flawed, something goes down or triumphs, either way for the feeler, and happiness washes over us. Especially now.

To me something is lost when happiness is not directly felt in the feeler. Less happiness is experienced in us by what is done, personally. Dependence on the larger wheel, indirect righteousness, means that you wait on the world to prove you right or confirm the need for you to fight on against the tide.

I confuse exhaustion with happiness. Being happy is not valid, for me, without effort and demonstrable sacrifice and work. For others I know, there is no happiness except as a confirmation of unavoidably misery – the manifest promise of inevitable unhappiness makes some happy in being correctly cynical.

These secondary validations are for all of us, everyday – but when they compete with the happiness we blindly create for ourselves, we become more victims that victors.

I have no right to be happy amide never ending struggle – but it’s there, despite myself.

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