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April 24, 2017

198956_10150431310185363_5952396_n What is permanent?

We want forever.

But we are temporary.

We create forevers: architecture, politics, religion. We are devoted, often completely, to things that humans, really ourselves, have created. It would be as if having honey, bees then live their entire purpose into its creation and preservation.

Wait: They Do.

But we are not bees. I, you, know we will die. I knew this before, once again, the machine I was born into, failed, as inevitable, 5 weeks ago today https://savedbydesign.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/thrombus/

There is a primal fear and flight from the tangibly inadequate. There are excuses: it was a bad winter so not much pollen so not much honey – or – how does a bee control a bear? – or – if I fly to more flowers and bring home more pollen, we have a better forever.

But we are not bees.

In the belly of “Saving Lives”, a hospital (or if you are in the Yale orbit “The Hospital”) they (scores of the highly trained) devoted a lot of time to forever, in me. It turns out they simply forced me to let me heal me (this is not a small thing). I knew then, I know now, that this extends – but, is, truth be told, not saving.

My body, your body, can not be forever. It is not “saved” like dead figs – it’s known, loved and inspirational. But it becomes inert. The spark of thought, movement, feeling simply clicks off like a diode. It ends.

In babydom the next minute is eternity: it is forever. Those measures of focus become shorter, and maybe larger. Career, connection, extension, enrichment all take the machine and use it to be, well, more.

But nothing is “saved” in this machine – just in the hive of all the rest of us, it’s meant that we have time to live beyond this machine, and make more with others, those that go beyond me.

The “more” we do can be saved, if remembered. It can be a warning of what is wrong and foolish, or that what we do can be better. Religion has become, for many, the opposite of more: it is them, or before, or a joke. But religion was made because then it was more.

More is only possible in the saving of the now. Those scores looking and millions of data points on me last month wanted what happened: I am here. The millions that made places, music, words, rituals, connection wanted a now too.

They wanted now because they saw that in touching something beyond them, but something they all knew, it could be more. Now what they did separates many, maybe most, from something beyond themselves. Now the me is becoming the central focus of more and more of us.

We know the me is temporary: we now, now, the moments become just memories – but the meaning of moments can be strong enough to take the unnecessary part of the machine and reveal it to be the essence of all of us.

We are not bees, but we have a mission. We may have thought it to be to build cathedrals, cure cancer, liberate the oppressed: and it is: but all that pollen and its honey just helps make things more.

If we forget that me is not all there is to more, if here, now, is not saved, even our machines are never, finally saved – we miss the fact that there is a huge place of belief and faith and devotion in each of us.

I call it God, it’s there for me – I still do everything for more, now: every thing. But I know that I will be gone, but I am part of more. You are too.

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