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November 22, 2020

We can only be in one of two places: “With” or “Without.”

The expectation is that we are better “With”: love, warmth, food, family, thought. And while alive we are flooded with all our “With’s”.

But all of us end “Without”.

There is no choice. Lives are never “saved”, they are extended. Until we are “Without.”

But “Without” extends to some of the living. Some come into a place that is simply alone. We start from others, literally. But the others who create us are sometimes not there after creation. Sometimes we decide isolation is better than the alternative.

That was me in 1970. Fifty years ago the safe way was not being part of anything much other than school. My family was not with my brother and I. They opted for isolation, too. It was easier.

But those “With” assume it is the natural state to share, and care for others. A person who was fully gifted of love by a family “With” a great deal (mostly because they were from full families) literally bumped into me. Her “With” life was terrifyingly beautiful to me.

Hunger eats, but when hunger tastes, the joy is extreme.

I soon came home. Met the source of so much, and it was elemental. A young family was made from love and offered it. It was not understood, but I was grateful.

The center of the love was two people. One who tolerated me, and the other, pretty quickly, came to love me. Soon years and events and things made an extension of giving, that I found myself “With” them.

Meals. Gifts. Visits. But really time. Just caring is all. The connection to the humanity that was full feral in my first 15 years of living in a nice home, with nice things. With people. Alone. The reasons are both predictable and done, but were fully overwhelming in my first decade of my understanding.

These 50 years have been vectored by their love – in the personal sense, but more, in the sense that love is known to be the reason we are all alive. It leverages all the other things we construct about it.

Now those two centers are both absent from this time and place. As we all knew it would be. Their family is fully “With” them, even though they are not here, now.

But in full ignorance and no confidence in any understanding beyond the here and now, these two folk, who in some measure saved me, are united. Maybe the Union is in memory. Maybe it is in fact – my inability to understand so much after so many years renders any judgement a wish, or a rationale.

But they are united. Again. Because they really were never apart.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Carolyn permalink
    November 22, 2020 8:10 am

    Beautifully said, Duo!

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